Mahima, Utsav, and You
How To Maintain Sanity In This Insane Saga
[Full Disclosure: I’ve worked with both Utsav and AIB as a writer for a while.]
Twitter is unravelling. It compelled you to take a radical stand against Utsav. Now, against Mahima. You’re disillusioned. How will you take a stand? You don’t want to feel wrong again. What do you do? I have an answer. Follow three simple rules and you’ll avoid guilt, save face, and make Twitter a healthier place.
1. Keep Room For Change
We take stands from what we know. What we know will always be incomplete and that’s alright. It works out fine. Sometimes though, what’s left out may change your view completely. You need to be mindful of that. It doesn’t mean you have to be unsure of everything all the time. It means it’s wiser to avoid absolute statements: ‘This is bad’, ‘This is horrible’,etc.,
Have some room for the new details to emerge. When they do, you can adapt to it. It can be as simple as changing one word: ‘That sounds bad’, ‘That looks problematic’,etc.,
Small changes like these now will save big headaches later.
2. Address Everyone With Dignity
Giving yourself some room for a graceful change means a few more things. Avoid moral-addressing. No name-calling. no implying a lesser moral character either. Always address everyone with dignity.
You may wonder why shouldn’t you call a creep ‘a creep’?
Simple. Tactics like name-calling tie you to a conclusion. You have to pick a side for it. That closes you to the truth if new details emerge. Addressing all sides with dignity ensures you’re open and neutral. I’m not asking you to use honorific titles. Just dignity. It is in your interests. Let me explain.
Today’s world is interconnected. Even a small misstep of yours can blow-up overnight. If it does, this culture of dignity will give you a fighting chance to survive. I’d say, even if Utsav or Mahima or anyone is guilty, they still need to be treated with dignity. Every saint has a past, every sinner has a future.
3. Attend To Needs:
The current approach on Twitter is to find a villain and then annihilate them. I’ve seen people encouraging others to even commit suicide. Now, compare this approach to attending people’s needs.
If you see someone getting abused, you attend to their need for safety. You attend to their need for healing. You’re asking for safe places. That may mean someone in power having to step down. But that’s not the focus. Your focus is not on destroying someone’s career or life, but help building up someone’s life. Are they getting enough chances for healing? Can you see how healthier that conversation is by many degrees?*
TL;DR Version: The Final Blue Print
On social media, take stands but be judicious. I provide a template for it below. Use it the next time Utsav or Mahim tweet, or any other controversy happens. Feel free to use our own words:
- Start with the observations without any judgment:
“It seems _________. Could you address it?” - Reply whether convinced. If not convinced:
“Could you explain _________” (Repeat till you’re satisfied) - If you have to, state your current position:
“I’m leaning towards _________”
Repeat.
Bonus Step:
4. If you feel like connecting more:
“Do you need __________”
[*I must mention, the needs are of both sides. This means, even if the accused attempts to get a job, they’re attending to his needs for sustenance. That’s alright. I repeat the focus is on helping people regain their lives. You may say that you don’t need to attend to the needs of a person you hate. It’s alright. I respect your need for autonomy.]